10 commandments of an engineer

1. Thou shall study only during the preparatory leave.

2. Thou shall never write thy assignments thyself.

3. Thou shall begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.

4. Thou shall treat all marks above 40 as bonus.

5. Thou shall have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.

6. Thou shall pass " GRACE " fully.

7. Thou shall always be an OUTstanding student.

8. Thou shall give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST

9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.

10. Thou shall start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

Top 12 engineering dialogues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on being Late
"I thought it is a monday" (lab starts at 10:45 on monday)
"I was searching for the Classroom"
(classic) " Train was late" (my favourite one)

During Lecture

"Nilesh ka assignment 2 tere paas hai??"
“Attendance sheet kiske paas hai??”
“Attendance sign kiya kya?”
(classic)"Heads, we go home, Tails, we go home now!!!"
(classic2)"Journal sheet hai??"
“Mam ko kuch nahi aata”
“Chapter kab khatam hua?”

Lab
"Expt. 2 likha??"
"Attendance ho gaya??"
(classic)"Karna kya hai??"

Unit Test
"Oh F***!!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?"
(classic)"Aaj kounsa test hai?"
"Kitne baje ghar janeka"
"kitna page bhara?"

for attendance
( less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)
"I was late , so watchman dint let me in"
"I forgot the I-card , so watchman dint let me in"
(classic)"Utsav (college festival) marketing"
(classic)”Publicity”
( classic)“Mam….IEEE”
"plzzzz maaammm!!!!"

late submission of assignments
"Maine X ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"
"Electronix ka last date extend hua thaa"
(classic)"I dint know the last date"
"I was sick"
"My assignement was with him and he is sick"
"sorry"

late submission of Journal (for printouts)
"Format pataa nahi thaa"
"Printer is not working today"
(classic) "Friday ko light nahi thee"
"sorry"
"plzzzzzzzzz"

VIVA (after exam)
"yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"
"achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"
"ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai"
"Vidyalankar mein to alag hai"
"Oh!!! to exam mein yeh likhna thaa kya..... (may be 37 now!)"


VIVA (b4 exam)
"submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Dekh Boss !! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai......(emotional masturbation)"

VIVA (general)
"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala , then watz the point"
"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ko wapas bulaaya hai"
"External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"
"Ye kounse subject mein aata hai"
(Classic) "Aaj kounsa Viva hai?"
(Classic)"kisko reviva diya??"
"External is asking names of the chapters ab ye bhi padhna hoga kya!!!"
"saale ne bahot waat lagayi"


Submission
" Ye bhi chhapna hai kya??"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
(classic)"Tujhe HOD ka sign aata hai kya?"
(classic conversation)
A: Ye tune kya likha hai / teri handwriting aisi kyun hai?
B: 1.Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal
2. maine C se likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.
3.Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai woh chhod de.
4."Kisse ke paas isse chchoti assignment hai kya!!!!!!"


EXAM
"Jo (mujhe)aata hai , woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai"
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa"
"tere paas Jejurkar ke notes hai??"
" woh chapter....... mark weightage 6 marks..... (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"
" nahi samjha to rat le (RBR) "
(classic..... when someone is intensively doing his last revision) "Yeh nahi aayega !!!" (my favourite one used to say it everytime)

The most irritating one:

"kitna padhai hua??"

SECTION-377.......................

Gone are the days I was a free bird                                                          I dominated the world with my word                                                         I had a victim every street every corner
And damn she was hot like a burner 


The whistles the twinkles the slaps and the smiles
Everything was mine till miles and miles……………..
I was in love the whole day
Not to one girl but to all who said stay!!
I was a free bird till that day……………..


Friends were just friends
Girl friends were just girlfriends
We laughed we cried we shared together
We had all and nothing to bother
I was a free bird till that day………………..


Then came that the day…………….


The day I was caged,
All my emotions were raged
I wasn’t the same anymore
Like a see without a shore


Walking on streets, hiding from friends
I had lost all my trends…….
Are they straight or are they gay!!!!! I feared
Long had grown my scary weird beard
I wasn’t a free bird after that day…………..


No slumber parties no night out’s
Stay away from boys was all that I used to shout about
Girls were free ….happy and gay
I was unfortunately…….. Hiding from “gay’s”!!!!!!


I was the damsel in distress
Tired of the stress
How could they even think of this?
I couldn’t guess……
I wasn’t a free bird after that day…………


“Come back home by 7:00”
Girls had to hear
Now is all left only for me to bear
Did the girls used to feel bad when I eyed them?
Everything’s the same just; it’s me now instead of them!!!!!!!!

ŕájńíkáńt ŕúléś!!!!!!!!!

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.


When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,............ he turns the dark off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life. unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

¢σσℓ σηє ℓιηєяѕ

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannotlive without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same

boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books .